Gnarly tattoo (Santa Monica)

I didn’t surf today because of other obligations. But get this: I woke up today with the most incredible rash on my right shoulder.

It is in the shape of a perfect spiral executed in dotted, dull-red lines, and it extends down about ten inches from the top of my shoulder and is about five inches wide. When I saw it in the mirror it scared the crap out of me. It is such a perfect and seemingly planned design that the word “rash” doesn’t seem accurate. It doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t itch and it isn’t raised. Rather, it looks like someone came in and gave me a henna tattoo while I was asleep.

My book mentions “strange rashes” caused by polluted waters---but as strange as what looks like some kind of mystical cult symbol? All the newspapers have reports today about the water quality in this area, with Malibu and Topanga earning grades of F. Basically I’ve been surfing in human waste. But can that cause a mysterious spiral tattoo?

Later I went into the surf shop in Santa Monica and showed it to the guys, thinking they’d say, Yeah, we get that all the time. Instead they said, “Gnarly, dude! You got drunk and got a henna tattoo!”