Do I have to tell you how much I sucked yesterday after having been out of the water for more than a month? Do I really have to tell you? No, I don't. Any and every way you can imagine that a person can suck at surfing, or rather attempting to surf, I sucked. Let's leave it at that.
But of course I couldn't leave it at that. I had to go back out today, though I hadn't planned to. The waves were much smaller, one to two feet rather than three to four. I only had one hour which was only time enough for me to catch one wave (which I could not get up on). Then I had to leave---or else I would be late for/miss my appointments in the city later on. But I couldn't leave, not without my mojo. Somewhere in that flat month and then in the big heavy waves it had gone missing. I had totally lost my confidence and nerve. I could get try to get it back, or not.
I tried. And in the second hour, I proved to myself that I can still catch waves, though I did not get so far as riding one except for one second at a time, far below my best performance. I made several drops pretty well, could not pop up because my arms are not strong enough, got up slowly using my knees, stood for as long as one second, could not balance, and fell off.
But at least I equalled my usual performance. And it wasn't unfun. For a while yesterday, I thought I'd totally lost it. But I found my mojo, which was totally worth missing my appointments. (I can always reschedule.) If you ever really lose your mojo, that's totally the end. Without your mojo, you're just sitting in the middle of a freezing ocean in a rubber suit, stewing in your own pee.