Everything but the surfing

The late-afternoon-to-sunset session today: beautiful water, lots of people, and a definite summer vibe. In the words of veteran surfer D.: "The water looks like an ocean today and not like a terlet bowl." I know the word "glassy" refers to the shape of a wave and not the color and transparency of the water, but tonight's waves while not so well shaped definitely deserved that term. They sparkled like blue green glass.

Summer 2006 is here! So many people out, some I'd seen before, some who just said Hi, one who knew me and introduced herself. Everyone friendly. Amazingly, T., a regular and very good surfer who I've known for a year and a half, offered up tips on my performance today. He's never done that before. Not only that, he let me take a wave I was in position for! No one ever gives me waves. Everyone knows that I will only blow them, so whenever there's a question about who's getting a wave, I end up pulling back because I know they won't and they will just run into me. This time he told me to go, and I did---and blew it, of course.

It's a problem now that it's getting more crowded---I can't really try to surf near anyone else because I will end up always having to give the wave to them.

T.'s comments:
"You are getting up by using your right knee, then you get up with your foot facing forward and you lean forward and you fall right off every time."

Of course, I knew that already. A million bucks to the person who can tell me what I really need to know: How do I stop doing that???

If I can't figure that out, I might as well quit. And yet:

The beautiful water, the mellow vibe, the warmth and sun, the sunset, the evening stretching before me with the prospect of beers and burgers and camaraderie...

It occurred to me tonight that I have got this whole surfing thing down except for the surfing.

I've got the board, the suits, the beach house, a few friends (the few who don't care that I can't surf, the rest of the surfers hate me), the mentality, the lifestyle (to some extent)...

Is all that enough? Would it be enough for you, if you hadn't been able to learn to surf and you might never learn? Would you take all the peripherals and be satisfied "just being in the water" and call it "surfing"?

I feel like such a fake.

This is a pretty critical question because I have even, crazily enough, been thinking of moving to the beach full time which would be a major life upheaval for me and my pets. I go around thinking how much I'd like to live by the ocean and the thing that's holding me back is when reality grabs me and I realize: that's crazy, that's totally devoting my life to surfing and I can't even frickin' surf.