A beginner for four years

I've got a three day window to just surf. But today, the waves were much bigger than forecasted. They were waist to chest high, and all the good surfers were out. All I could do was watch them having fun. I kept remembering words of wisdom (but where did I get them): If you think it's too big, it is. Err on the side of caution.

The other phrase that kept going through my head was: a beginner for four years. I am very aware that in July, I will begin my fourth year of trying to learn to surf. And I still can't handle waves over two feet, and can barely/rarely stand up on those!

You know that book by John Irving, A Widow for Four Years? (Well, even if you don't, that's a novel by John Irving). It doesn't make any sense, of course, because by the definition of the word widow, you can't be a widow for just one year. Well, it's just like saying you're a beginner for four years. By definition it's impossible: if you've been doing something for four years you're not a beginner. But yet I am. It makes no sense and it is incredibly depressing and embarrassing. How much longer? When is it time to give up?