Surf trips, real and ideal

The ideal surf trip goes something like this:

Disembark in a sunny location with fabulous waves, ready to go surf even if you've been traveling for ten hours. Go directly to the fabulous break without getting lost or even being unsure of where it is. Find waves so much better than you have at home---not too big and not too small and oh so much better shaped than you've ever experienced, gentle and powerful at the same time. Oh yes, and uncrowded, and you magically know the exact time the tide is most favorable. Surf expertly the first time out, have much more fun than you ever had at home (did I mention you found a surf shop that rents you exactly the perfect board for you?). Meet a whole bunch of local surfers, barbecue on the beach, drink margaritas, fall asleep and get up and do it again every day for a week.

Hah.

How about: Arrive exhausted after having been up since 5:00 a.m. Rent a board that's the best you can find but not anything like what you would want. Tide's too high but you're going anyway. You're so tired you just want an easy surf, even one nice ride will do, but there are no waves at the beginner beach (Cowells---first time I have ever seen it with no one out at all), so you have to go to the intermediate (Steamer). Paddle out through more kelp than you believed possible. Keep getting fins snagged on kelp, and paddling is not paddling so much as pulling yourself along on kelp ropes. Try to figure out where to sit in lineup, fail miserably. Waves a little bigger than your comfort level. Paddle and fail, paddle and fail, perhaps because the locals are sitting in the narrow area where the wave curls and you are always over to the shoulder, respectful of their right to take every wave away from tourists like you. Finally catch a wave by the ass-backward technique of turtling it too late and getting caught up in it anyway, try to stand up when the wave's almost over, get your contact lens knocked off by the wave.

Slink off in disgrace to the kiddie section inside, wait there forever along with a couple of other cowards until some two footers come along, miss those as well. Or if you get them can't stand up and can't figure out why. Watch the other cowards get rides. Finally give up because you're cold and tired.

Repeat for the next few days.

Actually, there was one surf trip to a new location that wasn't like this, which was Virginia Beach last summer. That was a sunny beautiful day, I timed the tide right, waves were small and I got lots of them without needing hours to figure them out. It wasn't perfect but sufficient fun was had.

There was something good about today's session, though: the music of the seals. There were seals in the water but there was a whole big seal party happening on the rocks, with tons of big fat seals (sea lions?) singing their hearts out.