"Can't You Get Along With Anyone?"

I've just discovered this new book, written by surfer Allan Weisbecker, and cannot stop reading it. Yeah, that's the name of it: "Can't You Get Along With Anyone? A Writer's Memoir and a Tale of a Lost Surfer's Paradise." Weisbecker is that strange and rare hybrid of which I am one, an author and a surfer, who wrote the pretty well known book "In Search of Captain Zero." The title is a quote, what someone in the publishing world once told him.

I didn't read Zero because, I don't know, it sounded like the kind of macho surf tale I couldn't identify with. Maybe that was a misjudgment. But this new book (caveat: This is not a review, just my off the cuff personal opinions) has, really, very little to do with surfing. Nevertheless I can identify with it on a lot of levels. For one, it's a book about the writing process, which totally rings true for me because I have enough experience with publishing now to know that yeah, he is totally telling it the way it is! I just had to laugh (ruefully) at his experiences with editors, etc.

The quote on the front of the book is: "Writing is easy. Just stare at the blank page until your forehead bleeds." Later in the book he rails against idiots who say "I could write a book someday..." Given how hard it is to write a book, everytime I hear some slacker/stoner surfer say that to me, I want to kill him. They have no idea. Weisbecker does.

Because he published this book himself, he ultimately was able to say what he had to say in a way I will never be able to do with my publisher, a university press. I can't tell a lot of truths because they don't reflect well on people with money and power. Thus, my editor has asked me to cut names and identifying details, making mine a weaker book out of fear of the powerful. The fact that everything I write is true, and documented, makes no difference. In the frightened words of my editor: "Anyone can sue for anything." (Not so, but what matters is that she believes it to be so.)

I sure understand why Weisbecker couldn't find a publisher for this book, and I sure admire him for his naming of names. To put it briefly, besides a tale of the pitfalls of the writing life, it's the incredibly detailed story of how he was betrayed by the love of his life, who he calls (and who am I to dispute this?) a sociopath. Photos, names, details, not only about her, but about many other nefarious characters, one of whom, he says, had sex with a cow.

The story of his betrayal is a story I am all too familiar with, another reason why I couldn't put the book down. If you've ever had a sociopath in your life, you will probably have the same reaction. If you haven't, you might not get it; you might think this is just a guy who is so obsessed with his ex-girlfriend that he had to write a 5oo page book largely about her. But assuming she really is a sociopath (and of course no one who wasn't there can ever really know what the story is), writing a 500 page book is a completely sane and normal reaction to having intimately known and been traumatized by someone who is (as sociopaths are so accurately described) morally insane.

Whether you've been subjected to a sociopath or not, as the reader reviews attest, Weisbecker's brutal honesty and (to use a word he likes a lot) self-reflection, as well as his wry sense of humor and insights into why (as he puts it) the world is so fucked up are riveting and absolutely on target...making the book, as many have noted, difficult to put down.

One of his absolute gems: "Once people take a side in anything, be it in a matter of a friend being delusional about his mate's infidelities or in a matter of a bogus war on terror, new information is processed in such a way as to support the side already taken. This is the way of human beings and a major reason why people believe untruths, which in turn is the main reason why the world is so fucked-up."

What more is there to say, really?

He's certainly put his finger on exactly what happened to me in the surf "community." The word for it is gaslighting---a strategic campaign of lies designed to destroy the reputation of a target and even her sanity. That's what happened when I. decided she wanted the beachfront apartment K. and I shared, and for that reason (as far as I am able to discern a motive, assuming it's not just for the sheer pleasure of hating on someone) weaved a web of lies about me that K., being so gullible and so much less intelligent, embraced and spread to everyone they knew, until all my former friends turned away and total strangers decided they despised me.

I keep thinking I have never met a group of human beings so sheeplike, so prejudiced, and so completely unable and/or unwilling to think for themselves as surfers; but Weisbecker suggests (though he can't prove this, since he was largely involved with surfers too) these are unfortunate qualities of humans in general, not this specific subpopulation. Maybe. But I will always stand by my unscientific observation that of the humans (Weisbecker and a few others excepted) the majority of the surfers I have known are the dumbest.*

Weisbecker's got guts, exactly the guts my editor and publisher lack. Amazingly, he says on his website that he hasn't been sued over the book. So what am I doing with this K. and I. shit? Am I trying to protect these people? To hell with it. I., who is very clever at manipulating people (but down deep, a very insecure person) and so was able to work her way into the surf "community" despite surfing even worse than me, that is not at all---think about how much work that was, and is!---is Lena Hanson, and K., who did and still does appear to take great pleasure in spreading the vicious lie that her former "best friend" is "psychotic" without conflict, since she lacks the slightest capacity for self-reflection, is Lynn Jadamec.

Now that Lena's had the apartment for some time and Lynn is moving away, you'd think they'd ease up, but they haven't and show no signs of doing so; which is why it looks to me that they're groovin' on the sheer pleasure of trying to destroy someone else's life simply because they can.
Just the other day, a woman who has never met me, but is a friend of a friend of Lynn's and Lena's, told another member of the surf community that I'm "crazy".

Maybe one day I'll write a book about all this.

Meanwhile, when my current book comes out in about a year, unfortunately it will be without the names and identifying details of anyone with more power than me (that is, anyone) who, the publisher fretted, might "look bad." But you, blog readers, will know that the reporter in Chapter Fourteen whose name and direct quote and even her newspaper (the New York Times) had to be cut because "she sounds like an idiot" is Lisa Foderaro, who still writes for that unfairly renowned newspaper. If I get sued for revealing this, blame Weisbecker.# The thing about telling the truth and naming names no matter what, as he no doubt knows, is that it feels really, really good.

*Weisbecker employs asterisks to add piercing, often profane and bitchy comments to the main text. In homage, I'd like to do the same. To those who would take offense at surfers being called dumb: It is a matter of plain fact that, before becoming acquainted with any surfers, I was unaware that adult human beings could be incapable of spelling two- and three- letter words. The above-mentioned Lynn Jadamec is among the surfers who is such a human. As Weisbecker would say, I have archived proof in emails she sent.

#When he was told about my having to censor true facts about the New York Times, Weisbecker's refreshing reaction was: "The New York Times has its head up its ass!"