Waves, but no surfing

Today was my first time in the water since Thanksgiving. I think it's the longest I've been out since I started surfing year-round. I'd really started to forget what waves are; there just haven't been any.

I got two waves in two hours, and I didn't stand up. Those three weeks have set me back two years or more. Or maybe I've just forgotten about the natural "progression" of surfing, how it's always like this, always two steps forward, two years back.

I really don't know why I couldn't surf today. I can't tell what I was doing wrong, and that's the worst part. Whether it's surfing or any other human endeavor, there's nothing more depressing than making the same mistakes over and over and over, knowing that, but not being able to figure out what it is that you're doing wrong. The few surf lessons (at outrageous prices) I had this summer helped, but I really need some kind of consistent coaching. The only way I can know what I'm doing is for someone to tell me.

Plus, I'm having some kind of anniversary reaction to the death of my cat. I had this song in my head the whole time, and couldn't really think what it was. Then I remembered. It was this silly song I made up with her name in it, that I used to sing to her.

Now I'm wiped out physically and mentally, exhausted beyond exhaustion. I didn't use my legs and barely used my arms. Nothing I did could be construed as exercise, nor did I even wipe out. I guess it's just spending two hours in freezing cold water with less than adequate gear that makes you so tired.